We often hear from children who are concerned that their parents may not have a financial or Medicaid asset protection plan in place. The children are worried that if something happens to one or both parents, the children will not be equipped to assist their parents, and many times the children have no idea where the parents stand financially.
Understandably, these subjects may be hard for children to discuss with their parents. The children do not want to appear greedy, and the parents may fear loss of control or independence. Dysfunctional families face additional challenges when trying to assist senior family members.
How can you approach your parents about Estate Planning?
It is helpful, but not necessary if first, you get your own house in order. Make sure that you have executed your own Will, Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care Surrogate and Living Will. After you learn about these tools, then you should be able to approach your parents by referring to your work with an elder law attorney and what you learned. Then ask your parents if they have done the same documents. The goal is to balance safety with independence, and to not wait until an emergency strikes to start planning. It may be best to not ask them if they have done a Will – this approach can reinforce an impression of greediness on your part, and it can scare away those parents who don’t want to think about their own mortality.
Focus instead on the Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care Surrogate and Living Will. Ask your parents who would be able to make financial and medical decisions for them if they were not able to make the decisions for themselves. You can use the example of a temporary disability that may require someone to help pay the bills or make medical decisions.
If your parents already have a plan in place, then ask if they will let you know where they keep their documents. If you can, ask to review their documents and get the name of their attorney. The attorney may not be able to talk with you at that point in time, but you will know where to turn in case of an emergency. If your parents do not have a plan in place, then you should suggest that they make an appointment with an elder law attorney. Your parents may let you schedule an appointment for them, but you need to be aware that the parents, not the children, will be the clients of the attorney.
You will also want to know where your parents keep other important documents such as safe deposit box keys, birth certificates, passports, deeds, insurance policies, investment and bank statements, tax returns, Social Security numbers, and medical insurance cards and information. If your parents do not want to share this information with you, then ask them to prepare a list and let you know where the list can be found in case of an emergency. If possible, you should assess your parents’ current financial situation to see whether your parents have sufficient income and resources to meet their needs. If your parents will not discuss these issues with you, then you should ask a trusted friend of your parents to talk with them to encourage a family dialogue.
To help overcome this generational communication gap, here are ten conversation-starting questions that adult children should ask their parents, as well as resources for dealing with these often difficult issues.
- 1. Do you feel comfortable about your financial situation?
- 2. Would a plan to shelter/preserve/protect assets should a Nursing Home become necessary be helpful.
- 3. Who will handle your finances if you become ill?
- 4. In the event you become seriously ill and cannot communicate with the physicians, who has the authority to speak for you?
- 5. Have you made your end of life decisions, such as whether or not to be kept alive by artificial means when you are terminally ill?
- 6. Do you feel your physician is well-informed about issues common to older patients?
- 7. Can we make your home safer?
- 8. Are you feeling secure about driving?
- 9. What are your thoughts about your funeral?
- 10. Can you compile a list of all your important information?
Kentucky ElderLaw PLLC is made up of experienced estate attorneys who can assist families with their financial and long-term care planning needs. We help protect assets should a Nursing Home become necessary. If plans need to be made or if existing plans need to be changed, the preferred time to accomplish these objectives is prior to an emergency while the parents still have the capacity to get their affairs in order.
Adapted from Oast & Hook, P.C. with permission.
